At around 1:30am, the only word I can describe it as was a "woosh". Cruz was finally out! The amazing mix of emotions was something incredible. The feeling of knowing that pushing was done, I wouldn't have to endure that pain anymore, the baby was out and my belly turned to mush. The nurses and doctor layed Cruz with his back facing me on my stomach. They cleaned up him and then took him to the incubator thing. What I remember was hearing Cruz crying a lot and thinking everything was just fine. As I layed on the bed, completely helpless, all of a sudden more nurses started coming in. Then before I knew it, they were wheeling Cruz out of the room before I had even seen his face! I asked if I could see him first and what they did was turn Cruz's head towards me. In that moment of looking into Cruz's eyes for the first time I could feel my world change. I knew Cruz was fine. I didn't understand what the panic was about. Apparently there was an issue with his breathing? Rick said he wasn't crying when he came out, but I remember crying. Granted, I was also doped up!
After about an hour of post-delivery clean up and such, they got me in a wheel chair and Rick, my mom and I found our way to the NICU at around 3 in the morning. It was an ordeal, and we got lost a few times but we eventually made it. Going in to see him was something else. All the small babies in there... I even saw the twins of the girl that was my roommate the night before. Born at 20 weeks... so small. So sad.
After getting all washed up we went in and saw Cruz for the first real time. Both his hands had IV's in them. Not nice to see. He was the biggest baby in there at 8'7lbs. He was the most perfect thing I had ever seen. My mom held him and cried. It was all pretty amazing. We weren't allowed to stay in there for too long so we got kicked out. My mom went to my aunts for the night and Rick slept on a really hard as concrete cot they had for husbands. This time I was in a private room which was MUCH better.
After getting a solid sleep for about 5 hours, I woke up ready to see Cruz. I had to call and make arrangments to go to the NICU to see him. At this point I still had an IV in my hand, could barely walk and had my hospital gown on. I was there by myself and didn't know to expect. Cruz was still doing great. The one nurse asked if I came to try to breast feed, and told her I hadn't done it yet but would try. I sat on the chair struggling with holding Cruz, unsnapping my hospital gown all the while dealing with the IV that was in my arm. I asked the nurse for help and she told me I should have been more prepared. That made me so angry! I wound up giving him a bottle because I had no idea what I was doing and the nurse was no help. I got kicked out of there since it's a small space and they needed more room, so I went back to my room. Made some phone calls, texted some people and sat there wondering when I'd get to see Cruz again. That afternoon Cruz got the okay to be dismissed from the NICU and was given a clean bill of health. I never had any doubt in my mind whatsoever that everything was fine right from the beginning, but at least they were being safe.
Long story short, Cruz is 2 now. I love him more than anything in the world. He is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Being a mom completes me. I love him to pieces.
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