I know when it comes to my cats, I'm a sucker. I love my cats. Especially Fry. When faced with a life or death situation with him a few months ago I chose to do whatever I could do to help him to live. He has chronic renal failure which he won't recover from. All I'm capable of doing is giving him the best quality of life that I can. This has meant spending about $60 a month on special food and IV fluids, needles and everything that goes along with that. I have done my best to every day make sure he's getting everything he needs. And I realize $60 a month doesn't sound like a lot, but it can some months make the difference between spending a little extra on food or clothes for Cruz or cheaping out on things for ourselves. I never thought I would find it possible to give anyone or anything a needle. I have sucked it up and given Fry his IV almost every day since the day I found out how terminal is illness is. Fry has been in great health except for the fact that he pees everywhere. Part of his renal failure is loss of bladder control. The thing that really bothers me with this situation is the fact that Fry goes out of his way to specifically pee in the same places ALL the time. I've moved around the kitty litter boxes to make his life easier. He will pee right in front of the box. I thought maybe he had an issue with the litter being dirty so I kept it well maintained thinking he might respond better to that. No such luck. For the last few months he has consistently been peeing on the landing on the way up the stairs. For the most part he does it along the walls so you don't have to walk in it. I've put down puppy pee pads, garbage bags and shampooed it every day, but it's not working. He just pees somewhere that we step instead. I live in a carpeted house so this is a problem. I maintain everything the best that I can so that it doesn't smell like cat pee in my house, but somedays it does because I can't keep up with him. As soon as I shampoo it, he pees right back on the same spot 5 minutes later. I find myself not enjoying him anymore because I'm SO tired of cleaning cat pee. I'm realizing that I have a limit. This is my limit.
Unfortunately I have made the decision to put Fry down on Friday. This is not a decision that comes lightly or without complete thought and consideration to the situation. I've tried to do what is fair for Fry. I've tried to put up with the messes. I have too much to deal with in my life without having to clean up pee constantly. I don't believe it putting animals down for the sake of putting animals down. Like Rick always says "if I break my leg, don't kill me, K?" I fully believe that I have done everything I can for Fry. His death from his disease is inevitable. He could have a year or so left in him. But, I don't. I can not handle any more of this. I wish I could deal with him longer, but I can't. I can't handle smelling cat pee anymore. I hate cleaning it only for him to mess it up as soon as I'm done. This is no way to live. I hate walking in the house and not knowing where I'm going to find pee and dreading having company over just in case I didn't do a good job at taking care of the smell.
Tonight as I made the appointment for Fry, I cried. After I got off the phone I bawled. Cruz didn't know what to think of me. He kept on saying "crying" and looked concerned. He was nervously smiling at me since he didn't know what to do. I couldn't stop bawling my face off, so Cruz found some paper towel and started to wipe my tears and nose for me. Then he tried to read me his books to cheer me up. He is one sweet little guy. It's just me and him at home right now, so poor guy has to deal with his emotional mommy right now. I love him so much!
I'm sorry for how long winded this is. I have no idea if it all makes sense. I'm writing this in the middle of a tear storm because I wanted to write about Cruz's sweetness. He is the best!