In the thick of it

This right now is my best outlet.
I'm going crazy.
I need to calm down, and I just can't seem to.
Cruz is finally sleeping.
Took him about half an hour or more of crying. I didn't look at the clock.
There was nothing I could do to please him, so I put him in his play pen because I know he's safe there. I hid in the bedroom and tried to fold some laundry, and cried. I was feeling so awful for letting him cry, but at the same time I knew if I came out to get him, I'd get angry. Who gets angry at their baby for crying??? What kind of mom yells at their child to be quiet?
I'm still shaking. This is probably the most extreme case of me losing my cool.
Now that he's asleep I want to pick him up and cuddle him, but I won't. I'd rather him sleep and not wake up and cry.
I'm not sure what's going on with him. He's been like this for the past couple of days. I'm going insane. I can't handle it. Yesterday Rick came home for lunch and wound up making me lunch and tried to calm me down. I need him even more today.
I'm on edge. Big time.
Maybe he's teething? I put some stuff on his gums to help. It didn't do any good. I gave him some gripe water. It made him content for a moment, then he went right back to crying. He probably would have calmed down if I picked him up after he had been crying for so long, but I was getting too angry to pick him up that I figured it was better for him to let him cry it out. That's a really hard thing to admit. That I was too angry to pick him up.
I'm not like this normally. I can handle his crying. I can comfort him and hold him all day long if that's what he wants. It always gets a bit draining and emotionally taxing when I have to hold him all day, but I do it to keep him from major freak outs like we just had. Perhaps I'm just at my wits end.
I really hope I can get myself together to handle the rest of the day.